


The Sun Always Rises

by Criztalkey



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Angst with a Happy Ending, Hopeful Ending, Implied/Referenced Suicide, M/M, Pls believe me there will be happiness, Suicidal Thoughts, everything will be ok i promise
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-10
Packaged: 2019-06-08 08:24:13
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,873
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15239334
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Criztalkey/pseuds/Criztalkey
Summary: Two times Viktor contemplated the worst in his adolescence, and the only decision that mattered.“The sun will always come up.”





	The Sun Always Rises

**Author's Note:**

> Do listen to Passacaille in Barcelona while you read this.

_The sun rises, vibrant and alive, but you can feel none of it—sunken in your own personal darkness and cocooned by the strange emptiness that has shadowed every waking moment._

_Are you truly alive when existing without passion or will?_

_There is no such thing as forever._

_There is no such thing as love._

That was what Viktor thought.

The first time Viktor contemplated the worst was when he was walking down the beach in St. Petersburg. It was a bright, sunny morning, albeit frigid. The bite in the air signified the beginning of a long, cold season. The season of loneliness and numbness. Of course, Winter would be Viktor’s favorite.

He dragged his feet, leaving trails of footsteps on the sand as he walked towards the crashing waves on the beach.

A second pair of prints appeared next to his own. His beloved dog, Makkachin was tagging along.

Viktor tugged at his blue scarf, tightening the hold it had around his neck. He gathered his hair, which had become so long without him noticing, and stuffed it between. It was comforting and warm.

He stopped walking, short of stepping onto the water. Makkachin was already jumping and skipping around in the water, splashing about.

Viktor let out a small smile. He had hoped he managed to give his dog the best life he could have. He loved Makkachin. He was his family. But Makkachin was getting older, and ageing faster than humans.

_There is no such thing as forever._

He took another step, his shoes squishing into the wet sand. Like everyone in his life, Makkachin would be gone one of these days.

The frigid air hit his face as he trudged further into the water. He shivered as water filled his shoes and soaked the bottom of his pants.

Still, he kept moving, taking one step against the current. And another. And another. There was nothing that could truly make him happy anymore. All that had brought him joy before were just moments that fell into the void. An emptiness that would never be filled. Having a walk on the beach was the closest he could get to feeling anything these days.

Deeper and deeper, he walked, until the waves knocked him back. He was pushed under the water, his dark lashes fell against his cheeks. He let go as the water engulfed him.  

_Finally._

The void was filled slowly with frosting, cold water.

What was the point when you didn’t _feel_ ? Ice skating was great. He was good at it. IHe was fantastic at it, but he didn’t feel anything. He felt empty. Hollow. He was good at what he do, but he was _so_ good that he didn’t need passion to fill the void. He didn’t need passion to be good.

Was he truly alive?

**_Woof._ **

Viktor’s eyes shot open. He felt a strong tug at his scarf, and his eyes burned from the salt water in his eyes, but he looked up to see Makkachin pulling at his scarf.

With that, Viktor pushed his arms out and swam to the top, bursting out to inhale big gulps of air. He swam back to shore with Makkachin in tow.

He was drenched, his scarf sodden, his hair a heavy mess. He dropped to his knees and continued to put air into his lungs.

_Are you truly alive?_

Makkachin continued barking and ran up to Viktor, licking him all over his face.

“Makkachin,” Viktor breathed out, and he wrapped his arms around his dog’s neck. “I just went for a swim.”

And that really was what Viktor thought he did. He just swam, and for a moment, he had lost himself in an endless ocean of nothingness.

For a moment.

* * *

 

The second time Viktor contemplated the worst was when he walked up the cliffs by the same St. Petersburg beach. He always took this path. He loved how high and above it all he felt. He wore his usual brown long coat and his blue scarf; something he had liked to wear out when it was chilly. His hands were constantly shoved in his pockets.

“Don’t get frostbite, Vitya!” Viktor could hear Yakov shouting at him to always keep bundled.

He chuckled lightly. Even though Yakov thought he didn’t listen to him, he actually did.

He continued walking up. The sunrise and sunset looked beautiful from there, but aside from the aesthetic view, he didn’t know how to actually feel when he saw any of it.

The path grew narrower and narrower, until Viktor stood at the edge of the world. He watched the seagulls fly so freely. The waves crash slowly beneath him.

He closed his eyes, letting the harsh wind numb him. He rocked back and forth slowly.

_There’s nothing here. There’s no one left. When there is no passion, no hope, no love, what is left?_

He knew he existed, but it didn’t feel like he actually did. He was utterly alone in his mind, in his whole soul. He was incomplete.

**_Woof._ **

A loud bark broke Viktor’s trance as he stared out at the never-ending miles of the sea.

He looked down and saw the tips of his feet dangling. His heels dug into the icy cliff. He looked at the culprit who barked at him.

“Makkachin,” he murmured.

**_Woof._ **

His darling dog barked again. He stared at his dog for the longest time, into his innocent eyes. Almost like he was telling him…

_Don’t do it._

“Do what?” he asked.

**_Woof._ **

He took a step back, away from the edge, and kneeled down to put his arms around his dog, “I was just looking at how far down it was,” he told him. Makkachin barked back at him; he wasn’t a dumb dog.

“Maybe one day, I will find happiness, Makkachin. But today is not the day, and this way is not the way to do it. You’re right. I’ve made my decision,” he whispered, and Makkachin wiggled up against him.

Viktor let go of him and fell backward onto the ice. He released all his pent-up emotions, or worse, lack thereof, into a myriad of tears flowing down his face.

After some time, which may had been hours, just laying down, his eyes fluttered open. It was still bright and serenely quiet.

He didn’t want to move. He used to feel comfortable on the ice—that was probably why he felt calm. The only times he ever felt at peace was on the ice.

What were synonyms with Viktor Nikiforov? _Cold, hard ice._

Even as he chuckled to himself, tears continued to flow down his face. He looked up the sky.

It was so bright. The sun was always there, blinding him.

He extended out his hand in front of him to close out the sunshine, his fingers splayed out. It was, for now, empty.

But, one day. One day it would be covered with gold.

One day, everything would make sense. For now, everything was passionless, empty and cold.

_Please save me…. someone._

What Viktor Nikiforov didn’t know was that what he was looking for to fill the void would come along someday. Until then, he knew the sun will always rise.

* * *

 

**_Woof._ **

Viktor’s eyes fluttered open when he heard Makkachin bark. It was bright, and the sound of waves crashing slowly registered. He saw his dog running around and chasing seagulls.

The next thing he felt was a snuggly, warm body, and he carefully got up to take a look at the beautiful face he’d been longing for. Viktor could hardly sit up as his arm was under Yuuri Katsuki, who was curled up as the cutest small spoon in front of Viktor. He was fast asleep, breathing so calmly. They were both lying down on a blanket, visiting a place familiar to Viktor.

Viktor suddenly felt a wave of emotions rush all over his body. He loved this man with all his heart. He laid his forehead gently on Yuuri’s shoulder, making sure not to wake him.

It failed.

“Vik… tor?”

Viktor raised his head and looked at the sleepy beauty trying to fully wake up. He hugged him even tighter, burying his face into Yuuri’s neck.

“Did we fall asleep?” Yuuri asked, yawning. The sun was still shining brightly, blinding them.

“Yeah, we did,” Viktor said, his arms around Yuuri's waist, pulling him closer against him. He refused to let him go.

“It’s pretty nice here,” Yuuri murmured, his eyes fluttering back to close. He hugged Viktor’s arms as they engulfed him.

“I came here all the time when I was younger…..”Viktor said softly.  Yuuri tensed up. He knew the story. Viktor had told him everything because there was nothing Viktor wouldn’t tell Yuuri.

Yuuri wiggled in Viktor’s embrace and settled to look up at the bright sky, watching the seagulls fly above them. He extended his hand out to block the sun.

Viktor looked up and saw the glittering ring on Yuuri’s finger, and he extended out his hand as well.

Both their ring hands up, covering the brightness that overcame them. Both admiring each other's rings. Yuuri then grabbed Viktor’s hand and squeezed it, making Viktor’s heart crumble.

His heart, which was once hollow and empty, was now filled with warmth, with… Love. He felt Yuuri comforting him, saving him. Loving him. His heart ached with happiness. It hurt from all the joy he was feeling.

For once in a long time, in this place, Viktor finally felt at home.

This place, with so many memories, with so many possible bad decisions, is now a better place, Viktor thought. He squeezed Yuuri’s hand back, feeling the warmth of his loved one right now.

“I know you have your dark days,” Yuuri started to say, “and I have mine, too.”

Viktor started to speak, but Yuuri motioned to let him speak.

“I know it gets really hard, sometimes...” Yuuri struggled to search for the words he wanted to say. Pulling back further so he could look at Viktor, his love sent him the softest look that left him melting inside. “But just know I’m always here for you.”  

“It could be forever, but it might not,” Yuuri said, and it made Viktor frown. Yuuri was too factual at times.

_There’s no such thing as forever._

“ **It is forever.** As long as I’m alive.,” Yuuri said with finality in his tone, pulling Viktor back to focus on his words and him.

_There’s no such thing as love._

“And I’ll always **love you** ,” he told Viktor softly. He truly did love Viktor, and Viktor loved him back equally. He didn’t notice himself tearing up.

Yuuri then looked over at him and held out his hand that had his ring on it. Without hesitation, Viktor reached out and grabbed it, gripped it like his life depended on it.

It felt so _right_.

Viktor’s voice got caught in his throat, his heart swelling with absolute happiness, as he continued to listen and just watch him..

“No matter what happens,” Yuuri said with a grin, looking up at the sun, “the sun will always come up.”

Yuuri smiled at him. “So, Viktor, until the sun stops rising… let's be happy together.” 

**_Woof._ **

**Author's Note:**

> Ever since Ice Adolescence came out, and I saw some art, I actually always wanted to write something of this sort, laying out Viktor’s thoughts. I always thought Passacaille in Barcelona, Viktor's theme played well with this. I also believed Makkachin played a huge part in a lot of things. Thanks @bearixt and @friend for enduring this.


End file.
